My The thief was spending less then his girlfriend. The first time I went to stay with her at her parents' house her dad wouldn't let us sleep together. Im so sick of people saying stealing is wrong. Because youre the only ten I see. "In your daughter" is the wrong answer. ", "thespacebuttonisbrokenonmylaptop.canyougivemeanalternative". But things went awry from the start when I said: "Hello! I have been happily and blissfully married for 5 yearsout of a total of 20. He wipes his ass. apparently all a vasectomy does is change the colour of the baby. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. My new girlfriend told me Im terrible in bed. Cynthia, who? Girlfriends are great. What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? My girlfriend is so smart! A: Knock, knock. If you were a phone of Apple, then you would be called iGorgeous!. If she fits in your wife's clothes. My wife is definitely a sex object in that every time I ask her for sex, she objects. This funny little joke is best said with a completely straight face, and with as little emotion as possible. Muffin, who? Im drinking a vodka and soda because you are clearly only attracted to skinny girls. Because they have little anty-bodies. ..because she calls me her sixty-second lover. Honeydew, who? 34. I was shocked the other day when I thought I heard my girlfriend say she wanted to go to see The Monkees tribute band in Switzerland. My girlfriend told me she wanted to be treated like a princess Eyesore. Statistics say that 1 out of 3 people in a relationship is unfaithful. I am gonna use it to break the ice between us!, If you were Christmas, I would be the Grinch who stole you!, If grapes make skin beautiful, then you must be living in a vineyard!, Im eating yoghurt because you gave me a fucking yeast infection!. I wish I could post this in another subreddit. It is not strange to see strangers of the opposite gender strike a deep connection for the first time by discussing sensitive topics. Whos there? But I knew shed come crawling back to me. Call her on the phone. You are always pretending to be a Transformer!" I am getting sick and tired of gravity It's always bringing me down! I told her that she was starting to sound like my wife. Never laugh at your significant others choices because you happen to be one of them. Whilst sniffling and coughing and rolling around in the hotel bed, I realised I needed medical attention, so I called the concierge to get help. "After all," I said, "we're only going to be celebrating it for half a minute." As they were leaving the courtroom, the bride said to the groom, Isnt it nice to be here when were not being convicted of something?. Wedding Anniversary Wishes for Wife (Updated), A husband and wife are drinking wine at home. Whos there? She fits into your wifes clothes. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health. I cannot belive that bacteria would just come into my body without my permission. A: A $100 bill. Norma Lee. Whether youre chatting in person or via text, jokes are a great way to make her smile, impress her, and get her in the mood. I like you a latte." 4 "What flower is the best at kissing? Muffin. You may get sick for a few days but my love for you lasts forever. If you get sick at the airport, it could be a terminal illness. She's just a "waitress" and she was just "doing her job". I said, "America. Ivana, who? You're attractive." 3 "What did the barista say to their crush? Q: Whats 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives your Do you know about the concept of Newtons law? If you are cute, you can call me baby. And that is why my wife treats me like toxic waste! Then she told me to never wear her things again. My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10. Because they were literally born yesterday. But then i saw her face. I got a girlfriend today! Do you have a date for Valentines Day? I threw my girlfriend a surprise bukakke party. Tulips." 5 "Never date an apostrophe. in the microwave have in common? After 3years, when we separated, she returned exactly $100. Whos there? Whos there? Knock, knock. legs dumps you? Well shes the one who wanted a serious relationship. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/c\/c0\/13004804-1.jpg\/v4-460px-13004804-1.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/c\/c0\/13004804-1.jpg\/v4-728px-13004804-1.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"